You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
