My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Congratulations! We have a period
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
