Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
