4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
