I skipped work to stalk him.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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