Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
