Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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