TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
