come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
