what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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