She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize