We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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