i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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