Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
