My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
