Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
