Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
