ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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