i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
