My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
