i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
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She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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