i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
