oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
