dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
