mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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