dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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