Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
