I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
