I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
