Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
