So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize