is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
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