You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
