i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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