My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
