Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
