hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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