im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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