My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
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I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
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So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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