respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
