I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
