I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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