He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
There's always time for handjobs
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
