Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
