3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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