I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
