her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
