I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
