you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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