The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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