I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
