i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Sorry my hands just texted you
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
