Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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