I puked a lego.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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