I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
