K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
