Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize