I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I need water and some morals
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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