holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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