i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
