Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
