Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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