I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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