All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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