the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
