im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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