Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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