First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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