come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
