the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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