Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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