He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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