I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
