Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
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Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
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The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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